Staring blankly into space

On Writing

tala — Tue, 27 May 2008 16:19:00 +0000

Back in high school, I have written very often on my blogs (yes, I had multiple blog accounts). It didn't matter if it was pretty lame or anything; I knew I just had to write down eveyrthing I felt and thought of. But that turned out to be the biggest mistake I've done during those four years. I've said too much, and now I can't take back everything. I've hurt a lot of people, including myself.

That's probably why I kept a lot of things to myself, and lost my passion for writing. I realized that people do not really care about what you felt and thought anyway, and finding it out on my own was pretty painful. I really didn't want to shut myself away from the world completely; I just don't know what else to say and have lost the heart for writing.

I guess one of the factors that made lose that spark for writing is college. I go to a university which requires a lot of reflection papers to be written and... I don't know, maybe I just got fed up of it? It seems pretty ironic, to be honest, since the university trains us to write effectively. But I eventually got tired and felt that I'm not as good as I think I am.

Ah well, I still have this site as my outlet, right? Maybe it's time for me to revive my love for writing through this =)

Today.

tala — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 12:41:00 +0000

A text message from Iyay that came in this morning woke me up. Her report card was on hold since she used her camera during the graduation ceremony. I was like WTF MEHN. She told me to bring a yellow pad because she'll write a letter to our principal. I hurriedly took a bath and dressed up, stuffed the yellow pad inside my bag and rushed to the school, thinking that they won't release my report card too. I didn't do anything bad, really, but what if? My paranoia just kicked in yet again.

As soon as my dad stopped the car in front of our building, I got out and made my way to the entrance. The lady guard stopped me.

"Miss, bawal ang shorts," said the guard.
I ogled at her. "HUH? Bakit??", I said.
"Dress code po kasi." said the guard.
Man, I said to myself, hanggang ngayon pa rin ba na graduate na kami ginigipit pa rin kami ng school na 'to? Deym. "Mainit naman ha. Di pa rin pwede?" I told her.
"Sorry, 'di talaga eh. Bakit kasi ganyan ka-iksi 'yang shorts mo? *points at my shorts* Bakit kasi hindi ganun *points at my batchmate* ang suot mo?"
"Fine, uuwi na lang ako uli para magpalit. *makes irap*"

I called Iyay up to tell her that the lady guard said I can't get in. I started walking back to our car to tell my dad how corny my school is and all. Someone shouted my name, and I turned to check who it was. It was Sir Castro or Iyay, I think? Suddenly it hit me that I'm so lucky! Our classroom's just beside the parking lot AND the window is beside the teacher's desk. I walked towards the classroom window, made chikka with my classmates and Sir Castro, gave Iyay the yellow pad, and got my card. Hah, naisahan ko si ate lady guard :>

Too bad I couldn't confirm my AdMU slot yet. I planned on talking to the school registrar for my form 137 (whatever that is) but then I couldn't get in, right? Some other day then. Sayang lang talaga, dala ko na lahat ng requirements ko eh... :-<

Just when I began to think that I will miss my school, this suddenly happens. Nice one. NICE ONE.

BTW, thanks Lola Dennis. You're the best talaga.

Things I could've done, but didn't.

tala — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 15:23:00 +0000

Here’s something that I posted last August 21, 2006 at 10:23 pm. I can’t believe that I actually made a list, really. Did I achieve everything that I wanted to do? Let’s just see. The italicized texts are my side comments.

THINGS I SHOULD DO BEFORE I GRADUATE
- Study REAL hard (nah, I didn’t.)
- Go to Amici in Don Bosco Makati with Alexandra and pig out! :D (we haven’t done this! Huhuhu)
- Watch Ang Paglilitis ni Mang Serapio (the Sibol version) (nooooo… the only sibol play I watched is the new Sinta)
- Lose the 11lbs. (or probably even more) I gained when I got sick (they said I got thinner, but I did gain more weight. demmit.)
- Fall in love (?) (I don’t know about this one hahahah)
- Know HIM better (and maybe even ask HIM to the ball) :> (We got to know each other, but I didn’t ask him to the ball.)
- Learn how to put on makeup properly (yes, I did learn how to do this hahaha!)
- Pass the UP, Ateneo and De La Salle entrance tests (I passed Ateneo and De La Salle all right. Not UP though)
- Look for a ball date (I had to find one)
- ...or maybe not :) (…coz my parents didn’t want me to go alone haha)
- Not pick the weird-tasting chocolates (heehee)
- Bond with ABCGH (I don’t know about this one. We’re drifting apart.)
- Play badminton with Zig and the Petines sisters every Saturday :)) (naaaah.)
- Go out with IV-1 every monthsary :D (We hardly get to go out nga eh!)
- Have intelligent conversations with my friends (Hahaha.)
- NOT worry about the future (fat chance of happening hahaha) (It didn’t happen demmit)
- Carpe Diem!!! (I did. Sort of.)
- Hug Dada Dante whenever I see him roaming around in school (He won’t allow me to do so *sad face*)
- Meet more people (uhh….)
- Learn how to not exceed my 800 phone plan (I even reached 5k.)
- Upload the IV-1 retreat pics (Yes I DID THIS HAHAHA)
- Not be cranky when I feel like shit (Well, sometimes.)
- Watch more telenovelas and koreanovelas (PRINCESS HOURS/GOONG is <3)
- Watch more movies (HAHA HELL NO)
- Be nicer to other people (Did I become nicer?)
- Shop for clothes and shoes with my mother (This happened :D)
- Find my Principe Azul (hahaha)
- Actually read my school text books (HELL NO LOLZ)
- Read more books (I’m a Paulo Coelho fan now hahah)
- Hug my friends whenever I see them (Yeah I do this)

Hay four more days before graduation. Will I miss it?

Yeah, I will.

Sigh.

tala — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 19:56:00 +0000

“I could have. What does this phrase mean? At any given moment in our lives, there are certain things that could have happened but didn’t. The magic moments go unrecognized, and then suddenly, the hand of destiny changes everything.”

-Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

A Sudden Fit of Nostalgia

tala — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 16:56:00 +0000

Wow, high school sure is quick, eh? Let's rewind for a few moments, shall we?

Back to the year 2003, the year I graduated from grade school. I had mixed feelings.

Apprehension.
Confusion.
Weariness.
Nostalgia (and all that crap).

Gahd, I wanted you so badly

tala — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 10:56:00 +0000

Oh boy. I’m so done.

I only got 2 hours of sleep. Let me tell you what happened.

03.16.06, 22:00 PM – Went online.
03.16.06, 23:00 PM – Still online, laughing my ass off because Bianca and EJ had their occasional fits of weirdness.
03.17.06, 00:00 AM – Went offline in hopes of finishing the literary criticism paper.
03.17.06, 00:15 AM – Went online again, gave up on the friggin paper. Was greeted by Gab’s window which contained, “I SOOOOO HATE RUSTOM PADILLA!” Talked about gay bitches and me wanting to give them gays bitch slaps.
03.17.06, 01:00 AM – Turned senti because of what Gab and I were talking. Non-existent love lives amp.
03.17.06, 01:30 AM – Really got depressed. Talked to Ziggy, Alexandra and Danica about senti crap.
03.17.06, 02:00 AM – lalalala…
03.17.06, 03:00 AM – Tried working on the paper again. Nothing happened.
03.17.06, 03:30 AM – Completely forgot that I still had chatmates. Was laughing like a lunatic because I was reading old YM conversations that really cracked me up. Persuaded Ziggy to stay online for me.
03.17.06, 04:00 AM – Gab and Ziggy went offline at last. Went offline too. Thought it might be best if I, at least, put an effort on revising the paper.
03.17.06, 05:00 AM – I’m pooped and I decided to hit the sack.
03.17.06, 07:30 AM – Woke up and was determined to finish the paper.
03.17.06, 10:00 AM – Finally finished teh paper. CONGRATULATE ME!! =))

Well, most of stuff written in the time line was fabricated. You see, I wouldn’t want to tell everything, diba diba? :P